#HACKED: Breaking Through The Walls Of Fear with Ruth Soukup
Are you having trouble dealing with fear?
Our guest for today is Ruth Soukup, the founder of Ruth Soukup Omnimedia. She’s going to talk about how people are able to overcome stress in order to build their success, authority, and influence.
There have been so many time that you felt afraid that you are going to be rejected. Most people would usually think that they don’t need something, and they can figure it out by themselves wherein the truth is that they’re really just trying to escape fear. You’re simply sabotaging yourself by cutting people off without giving them a chance to reject you.
Aside from being the founder of Ruth Soukup Omnimedia, Ruth Soukup is also an author, podcaster, and a product creator.
This blog isn’t the end of it though. To know more about Ruth Soukup, listen to the podcast found above and let me know what you think!
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Welcome back listeners. Morse code again, Josh has left the bunker for frozen yogurt. And I am in the process of hacking his computer for a top secret recording.
Okay, I see a bunch of folders here. birthday gift ideas for why plans to take over the world. Very important. This must be it. Nevermind, these are pictures of dogs are respect to Josh. Wait, I found a top secret recording. Here we go. Here's the guest speaker, Ruth Soukup. Talking about her book and scenes. All right, then. Let's do this.
Ruth, thank you so much for coming to my underground lair. I mean, this is kind of a cool place. It's kind of got this James Bond villain vibe to it. The reason like it is because I think it is probably the most secure place that I could possibly find for this project. And, you know, and I'm so glad that as I'm doing this research, I mean, you were clearly someone that I knew would be perfect for this. Because, you know, if I'm looking at researching and finding out, how do people build their success, how do they build their authority? How do they build their influence? There's so many things emotionally, that can get in the way of that. And I know that, you know, I think what you condensed it down into is, you know, the fact that we're most of us, we were scared, right? I mean, it's that's normal.
Yes. And we think it's not normal. And we don't always call it fear either. I think sometimes we call it anxiety, sometimes we call it being stuck. Sometimes we call it analysis paralysis, there's so many different names for it. But whatever it all boils down to a lot of times is fear. And it is like the number one number one thing that holds us back and keeps us stuck.
Do you think that social media and that are connected lives have influenced this in some way?
I think sometimes I think sometimes it can, you know, especially if you struggle with feelings of inadequacy or feelings of self-doubt, if you're a self-doubt, or then it can see other people doing things can make you can increase those feelings of self-doubt or, or anxiety, I think but I think a lot of times the fear that happens for so many of us happens. Subconsciously we don't even actually know it's fear. Because how we experience it is, is as truth, we think everybody feels that way we don't realize that fear is unique. Our fear is unique to us the specific way that fear is made manifesting itself in our lives. And so we experienced that as truth. And so until you can figure out, Okay, what exactly does my specific fear look like, then then you can start to figure out how to combat it and how to fight back against it and how to overcome it and work with it in a way that's actually productive for you.
I think it's really easy for so many of us to look at others that are maybe more visible than most people in our circle, just simply because maybe they have a bigger audience, they've built a bigger business. And so we just naturally, they just kind of pop up in our feet a little bit more often. And so we see that someone may be having like this big six figure launch, and, you know, they've got all this social proof. They've built up all this authority they're getting invited to, to speak at events. And I feel like sometimes we're not looking at their journey, comprehensive, like we're not in totality, we're only looking at that particular snapshot based on the thing that they are sharing. And so and I know that they don't mean to make others feel bad when there's like, Oh my gosh, this is awesome. I got invited to speak at Social Media Marketing World or, you know, I got invited, you know, to do this or that, or here I am on TV, or here's my bestselling book called do it scared, you know?
Selling yeah, hopefully. No,
it's all Come on, please. It's inevitable. So, um, but when we see that, I mean, it's, can you kind of let's talk about that just a little bit more, um, in, in our, our perception of the world, on social media impacts, our emotions can impact very positively. But I think that they're, they're just some elements to it that I think it's very healthy of us to say, wait a minute, I'm not seeing the real world here. So there's no way I can measure myself up against this.
No, I think we it's easy to forget that what we see on social media is the highlight reel of people's best moments. And in and so often the narrative that that we use in our, in our businesses, I mean, I do the same thing. In my business, I have a narrative that if I'm talking to somebody or introducing myself, you know, you give the 32nd synopsis of how great you are. And or sometimes it's the five minute synopsis of how great I am or how far I've come or have built this amazing seven figure business in my life. But that narrative is, is still only the best of the best highlights. It does not it doesn't tell you the number of times I I've been on the floor in the fetal position feeling completely inadequate, or the number of times I wanted to quit or the number of tears. I mean, just even like writing the book is so terrified. And this is my sixth book. I mean, I and it's about fear of all the things so ironically, I've never been more terrified of my entire life. And I've had like I don't even just in the last two weeks, I've had probably five different meltdowns where I've been sobbing to my husband about how, how I can't write how everybody's gonna hate this, how what am I doing, I have no idea. I'm such a loser. I'm such a failure. I mean, those are the things that come out all the time. And thank goodness, I have somebody in my life who's like, like, basically wants to slap me across the face sometimes and be like, Get a hold of yourself, woman you got you got this covered. But I think that we don't always we don't when we see people out there and I have found this to be treated. I don't know if you'd have to you know at the more I get to talk to people who I view as super successful, who I put have put on a pedestal and who I think oh my gosh, they have it all together. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. But they obviously know what they're doing. It all comes out everybody feels like we don't know what we're doing. Every entrepreneur I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, has a million of these feelings of self-doubt and self-questioning and thinking, Oh my gosh, I don't know what I'm doing. Or I'm terrified, over and over and over. And I think that's, that's why I'm so passionate about this idea of doing it scared. And it's because it's been my own motto all through growing my business has been my motto throughout my, my adult life of just courage doesn't mean that you're never scared and being successful doesn't mean that you're never going to feel the fear. But you still have to be able to take action, even, even despite feeling like you're not qualified to do it.
You know, and so I definitely want to talk about your assessment, and it kind of, you know, the fear archetype that that we that we share. You know, in my own experience, I remember having failed in business a number of times. And when I launched savings Angel, I didn't feel like number one, I felt like, well, I don't have any business success to speak up. And here I am trying to promote that, Oh, this is a successful thing. You could trust me, you know, but meanwhile, I'm feeling like, you know, my gosh, I feel like I feel like a phony. And I think that word. I gotta tell you, Ruth is that word? It petrified me that I don't know what it is psychologically. But someone calling me out. I mean, that's my like my worst nightmare, someone calling me out and saying, You're fake or phony. And I wish I'd never lays eyes on you, you know, kind of kind of them. I think that's actually what Sandy said in Greece, by the way. But I'm, yeah, I don't know what it is, you know, but that that really scares the heck out of me. And it's what kept me from starting a podcast sooner than I did. With savings Angel, which I launched over five years ago, I would have launched it seven to eight years ago, had I not been so afraid of that new level of vulnerability where I felt like people, people were going to judge me, no one's really said anything too harsh over the past five years. But for whatever reason, like that fear kept me from doing what I knew I needed to do. Like, I felt it in my heart. I felt that, you know, maybe that's what God wanted for me. But I just I kept saying no, or I kept not listening to that. Because it was just like I could I could do something a little less painful, I guess.
Yeah. And what's so interesting about that is like for you that fear of Oh, my gosh, what are people going to say? Or how are they going to judge me, they're going to tell me I'm a phony like that for you fear is so acute, right? And that, and that is like, that's what holds you back and keeps you stuck. So my guess is that if you took our fear assessment, you'd probably be people pleaser, would probably be pretty high up there on your score, because the fear of being judged is right there. And but what's so interesting is that, well, that feels so true, and is true to you, that has to happen. Like that's the self-talk that's happening, that's the voice in your head. That's how you experience fear. That's not how everyone experiences fear. So for instance, for me, I, I don't really have a fear of what other people will think of me I'm not really people pleaser is not high on my score. But I have like, I'm off the chart and my outcast score. So my fear, my deepest fear is rejection. So when you're worried about how people are going to perceive you, and how you're going to be judged, I worry about being actually rejected. And so the way that I that often has manifested itself in my life and my business that I don't want to ask for help. I've never been good about collaboration or reaching out to people or even like wanting to pitch myself to brands and to do to work that way. Because I'm always afraid that I'm going to be rejected, I have this sort of this in a, like, I don't need you, I'm going to, I'm going to figure it out myself. I don't know, I've always felt like, if I'm not invited to if I'm not invited to speak, I don't need you, I don't want to speak anyways, you know, it was always this like, almost self-sabotage of like cutting people off before I could have a chance to let them reject me. And it's something that I've really like, now that I've realized that about myself through doing through writing this book, and doing all this self-work on fear, it's really, it's been amazing. To be conscious of it, and to be conscious about moving past it also, because that's where it's, it's once you can start to identify the patterns in your life, for me identify how fear is uniquely impacting you and holding you back and keeping you stuck. That's when you can start did to do something about it.
You know, I this is I'm so glad that we're talking about this, I you know, there's been other instances, I'm just now I've just been, you know, in preparation for our conversation, I've been thinking about my own experiences another one. And again, some of these. I mean, I feel like fear can sometimes be so ridiculous. Like, if we were to actually talk it out with somebody, they'd be like, why are you? I don't know, you know, it's, it's, it's hard, you know, to I guess understand, you know, what, someone has built up psychological, but I remember like, even as always savings Angel, like, I'd been in the media over like 15 1800 times, 2000 times, whatever it was. And I remember when I was going to start helping people do the same thing. Like Ruth, I thought for sure. Like, there was going to be some PR licensing body or some PR police was going to come after me and say, wait a minute, you're practicing public relations without a license to your
You know, I'm not but I was just this fear, like I would have, I would have imagined that I would have just told him told him to go jump in a lake But still, like, it's still you know, I was like, Whoa, am I allowed to do this? Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, that's, that's for the that's the rule follower fear archetype coming out of you. So for the rule follower, there's a fear of almost like an anxiety and underlying anxiety, anytime you feel like, Oh, my gosh, there's going to be somebody that's going to tell me I'm doing it, doing it wrong or breaking the rules, even though if they're even if the rules are nebulous, in fact, for a rule follower. It's even scarier when the rules are not clearly laid out. Because there's this feeling that there's some authority figure somewhere that's going to crack down on me if I get this wrong. And it's almost as if it's like an unhealthy fear of authority. So that might not be your top your archetype, I guess people pleaser might be your top was definitely
my wife. Oh, absolutely. Really? Yeah, yeah, she, you know, even so she's a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She's really good at what she does. But you know, I mean, she's, I mean, she's had so much success, so much experience at it. But even, you know, she's like, Oh, my gosh, I don't know why these people trust me. But she's, like, phenomenal at what she does. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. That's so funny. You did it for the book, do it scared? Which so it's, it's gonna be published by Zondervan. And so like in terms of like, Where, where are you going to sell it? Are you Is it going to be in bookstores, you can sell through your website? Like, how are you distributing it
all of the about so everywhere books are sold, basically, it's going to be in target and on Amazon, Barnes and Noble. And it's we have it on our online shop to or in our online shop, if you see on our and pretty much anywhere you can buy a book, you can get all the independent bookstores, it'll be it'll be everywhere.
That's wonderful, do it scared, and I'm really, really excited to see this in the hands of so many good people, because I know, if we were to add, approve all of the in action throughout the globe, because of fear. And if you were to impact that on just even just a small scale, you think of how much creation happens as a result of removing that fear. And, you know, yeah, and, and I happened it like, I think philosophically, like in terms of like my view of, of God, or, you know, just creation, it's like, I feel like, the more that we can be in that creator space, I think the closer we are to, you know, just like our divine self, and but you It's amazing, you know, it's that fear. For me, it's usually very kind of earthly, you know, secular stuff, that that's where fear comes from, generally for me, and so it's when you look at it in that duality, I think of just like, what would happen if we could just unleash, you know, that this, this just powerful, inner creative self to do the things that that that fear is, is keeping us from it's really powerful stuff. You're, you're playing, you're playing with Craig. forces here, my friend.
Well, it's, it's true. And it's amazing, because I have already like, I've been lucky enough to see the impact that this message is having. And we, you know, we have in my community I've been talking about do it scared for a long time, I've been doing podcasts with do it scared and starting to really bring out these themes, and I never seen the types of transformations in people's and tell like, since I've been doing stupid, scared. I mean, just, every single day, I get messages and emails from people going, Oh, my gosh, this has, this has changed my life, I was so afraid to, you know, whatever it was, like, between starting a business or paying off debt, or losing weight, or, I mean, it's, it applies to so many different areas of our lives. I mean, I've had women tell me that they been in abusive relationships that they were afraid to leave, and they have finally, like worked up the courage to do that now and to do these things that they think they can't possibly do. And, and it that is like, it's amazing, because I know exactly how much fear has played a part in my own life. And that was actually what got me interested in, in doing this work in the first place or addressing this message in the first place. Because I had so many members of my community saying, you know, Ruth, you're talking about setting big goals and going after your goals and dreams and creating a life you love. And I want to but I'm scared to you and I don't I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines. I feel like I'm completely stuck. And I don't know how to move past this. So what do I do? And it wasn't just one or two people that came and said that to me. It was like dozens of people like over and over and over, I kept hearing the same types of things. And it got me so curious, like, what is this? Why does fear hold us back? What does it look like? Is it the same for all of us? And what can we do about it? Because that's the crux of it. Right? If fear is fear affects all of us. If it's impacting all of us, there are there are some people that are out there crushing it, and there are some people are not so what's the difference? And how do we all become that person that is willing to face those fears? Because like we like we were just talking about the people that are successful, they're scared to, but they're willing to do it scared. So if you can figure out how to do that to you can start to create that success in your life.
Yeah, so it's so I don't mean to get right to the end here. Explain how the Avengers toppled Santos is the is the premise that we don't need to obliterate fear that we just like, Look, fear is going to be there. But you do it anyway. I mean, I'm extrapolating from the title anyway, it says do it scared. So I mean, but that that's the thing. It's, it's not like you're going to so you're not going to remove fear. But I feel like action is however, going to be a little bit of an antidote. Right?
Yes, action is definitely the antidote to fear. And the thing about it is that when you can learn to do it scared in small ways, and it starts with what we were talking about identifying how fear is impacting your life specifically, and the unique ways that it's playing out in your life, because so much of it happens subconsciously without us knowing. So we expect it is truth, we don't know that these messages are even fear in our life, we might not identify it as that. But once you can identify it that way, that's when you can start to reframe it, and take those action steps and you take small action steps. And each action that you take will build up that courage muscle, it'll build up your antidote to, to the fear in your life, so that you might, it's might still be there, but you'll be more equipped to be able to handle it. And to do a little bit scarier, and a little bit harder thing the next time and a little bit scarier and a little bit harder thing the next time. So that fear is always there, but you know that you are you are able to continue taking action, even in the face of that fear.
Yeah, you know, I went to date with destiny with Tony Robbins. And he I think he talked about fear a little bit. And, and I think he has kind of developed for himself this idea that he gets a little bit excited when he senses fear. And that he you know, his response to it is like, who a worthy opponent. And I wonder too, and sometimes when I like let's say, for example, it's um, you know, like something having to do with sales or business or something that reaching out something that might be a little bit fearful because I might get rejected? Is it Do you think that sometimes fear can be an indication of Ooh, do that?
I think yes, I think absolutely, I think that there's there could be a good kind of fear and a bad kind of fear. I mean, fear is like, the idea of fear. Fear is designed as a protection instinct, right? It is there to protect us and to keep us safe. And, in fact, if you are not afraid, if you're never afraid, then it's actually like a sign of mental illness if you don't feel fear. So it's there to protect, protect us and keep us safe, and yet at the same time, can sometimes keep us trapped. And so you've got to be able to start to recognize that like, sometimes there is that, that feeling of fear that fire in your belly, it's a good kind of fear, the motivating fear, the fear that goes, Oh, I feel like this is terrifying. And that's why I know I have to do that. But I think that only happens. And this is, this is my hunch on this, that it happens like Tony Robbins has been mastering fear and been like doing it scared for years and years and years. So now he recognizes that feeling as like, Oh, this is my next step. Because now he sees fear as an ad as a worthy adversary, as you called it. Versus, in the beginning, it just feels terrifying, right? So that's why it's so important to do it scared. But to start, start small, start with a little thing, and then do the next little thing. until you get to the Tony Robbins level where you're like, yeah, bring it bring it baby, I can do this. And I you know, I was I was just talking to somebody about this. I'm not too long ago. And that's, I feel like that's how it's been in my business. You know, I've grown this amazing seven figure business that now people look at and they're like, Oh, my gosh, how did you do this thing, you must have known exactly what you were doing the whole time. And I think oh my gosh, that could not have been further from the truth. When I started. I was a mom of two toddlers a stay at home mom, I was spending too much money at Target, I needed to find something that wasn't going to target. So I decided to write a blog about living love spending less, that was so ridiculous, because I was like not spending less. I was spending more, which is why stop spending so much. And I you know, I was doing like for me starting that blog was a scary step. And it was a small step. And then the next scary step was learning how to make videos. And I made my I was terrified of being on video. But I did I made a YouTube video about couponing. And that terrified me. I could have never imagined the things that I do now in my business, I could have never imagined, you know, starting my own conference and speaking in front of thousands of people and doing any of the things that I do now. But I had to start with that thing. But now when I look at these bigger challenges, I go, yeah, Bring it on, because I've dared to do it scared all along the way. Does that make sense?
Yeah, for sure. You know, one thing that we talked about early on was the this idea that I think, particularly with anxiety, it feels so real. And it feels like that that is universally true that that anxiety, when in fact I wonder what role? It would it would have to say, okay, that is not me, and to actually try to maybe even just intellectually separate yourself. I know, I've had to do this when I say, you know, right now, it's just like this chemical emotion that's going through my body right now. And I recognize that that's not me. And I don't want to feel like that. It's like, you know, going up to the top of the Sears Tower or Willis Tower, it's like, I know, I'm safe. But yet stepping out into this glass box that was you know, did
stories? Yeah, and so it's like, Look, like, logically I know, there's nothing for me to be afraid of, I'm not going to die. But just, you know, there's just like this, you know, this is somewhere, you know, my, my survival instinct brain that says, What do you dummy, you can go out there and you're going to die. But I wonder, you know, is, is there some sort of a, of a self-talk process that you would recommend to kind of maybe make some steps to, you know, I don't know it's intellectualizing it. But how does someone use their rational brain to talk to their emotional brain? and say, Look, look, look, this is going to be okay, let me help you kind of separate and parse these things out a bit?
Well, I talked about that in the in the book I, because I talk about why it's so important to identify exactly how fear is manifesting and playing out in your life. Because once you can take it from subconscious to conscious, then you can start to see the patterns that are happening in your life, you can start to see Oh, my gosh, this is how I'm experiencing fear. This is what myself talk looks like. And I actually walk you through that and, and share examples of that for each of the fear archetypes. So people, it's funny, because people see that and they go, Oh, my gosh, I never realized this was what was happening. But you're right, this is exactly what's happening. I've never had something like nail it for me like this. And but once you start to see those patterns, that's when you have more control over them. That's when you have the ability to start to stop, stop the self-talk, stop the fear in its tracks and say, Okay, I'm experiencing this right now. So for me as an outcast, I experienced a lot of things as rejection. So now I can say I am experiencing this as rejection. But this is not actually rejection, just because somebody say no to me right now doesn't, it's not necessarily reflection on me, it's not a rejection of me, they might be too busy, they might have something going on. Like it used to be like kill me, if somebody didn't respond to an email. Now I can say like, it might have gone to spam or I'll reach out again, and half the time, it actually has gone to spam. So I've like learning along the way that like it's, I think those kind of things. But I what I recommend for people, is to start to replace those core beliefs that have been happening automatically, without, without really thinking about it with a new set of core beliefs that I call the principles of courage, which is really just like a counteracting of those horrible that happened without us knowing it. And it's, it's, it's telling yourself and beginning to believe things like there are no mistakes, only lessons and so that instead of being afraid to make a mistake, you realize that every mistake is an opportunity for growth. And so that even when you do that, even when you do make a mistake, you're giving yourself an opportunity to learn. And so that makes it a win, even if it feels like a loss.
No route, this isn't just so the work that you've done for do it scared. It's not just you telling your own stories you actually did a lot of research on Yeah, talk about, let Tell me about the. So I know you did some pretty big survey work. And then analyzing the data. What was all of that
was pretty crazy, actually. And I think
I think when people hear
hear this, then again, they're like, Oh, my gosh, that you have, how did you? How did you have this vision for this? I really, truly believe like that. Just sometimes it's just a matter of having a connection with people and listening and hearing people's stories and then giving people what they need. And or answering the questions that the people right in front of you have. And that's sort of how it worked here. You know, I had so many people in in my communities, talking about fear and telling me that they were afraid and they were afraid to go forward and felt stuck. And so it got me really curious. And I started asking questions, and that led to asking more question was a let up, eventually led to this doing this huge survey and study that we ended up I think we ended up serving more than 4000 people, and which was an insane amount of data. You can't even imagine how much data we were asking very open ended questions like tell us tell us a story of you know, a time that you were afraid to do something and you let that fear hold you back? What did that look like? And you know, alternatively, tell me a time when you push past fear? And what did that look like? Because I wanted to know, like, what's the sphere? But how can we fix it. So it was so much data that then I had to do something with all this data. And so I hired a whole team of researchers to help me sift through it and start to make sense of it all and to analyze it. And from there, what came out of that is that we realized that fear, a fear looks different for everyone. But that there are some very distinct patterns, seven patterns, specifically of the way that fear tends to play out and manifest in our lives. And so that's what we
call the archetype.
The fear archetypes. Yeah, so the seven fear archetypes. And then and then we help, or them, we started to create this assessment to help people be able to identify what their own fear archetype is. And that was a whole other whole other piece of research and psychology. And there's, it's amazing how much goes into creating, creating something like that that's actually scientifically valid. You have to, there's all the stuff that I never knew before about bias. And you have the way that you ask questions has to be neutral, and you have to ask it and positive and negative and you have to confirm the all the answers and crazy stuff. But yeah, so it's been about two and a half years of research and putting it all together. But it's been it's been pretty fascinating. And like, I mean, so personally, like rewarding also, just because it's changed my life and a lot like my whole team, it's impacted. It's impacted so many things just on a personal level that whatever happens with the book, I think it'll be worth it.
Yeah. So when you talk about the archetype would that be? So for example, you know, fear of what other people think, fear of authority, fear of rejection, is that would those all be archetypes and
well, so the archetypes have specific names, there's seven of them. There's the procrastinator, which is also another word for perfectionist, the procrastinator. The underlying fear for that is the fear of making a mistake. It's actually the common of the seven archetypes. There's also the rule follower, which we talked about, which is sort of the unhealthy fear of authority is fear of step, coloring outside the lines of stepping out of line. The people pleaser, which we also talked about is the fear of being judged or the fear of letting people down. So one way one important distinction to make there is so the for the procrastinator, there's this deep fear of making a mistake or getting it wrong. Versus for the people pleaser at my on the surface appear that they fear making a mistake, but with the people pleaser fears more than making the mistake is what other people would say about making that mistake. So it's a very important distinction to make. And then there's the outcast, which is the fear of rejection, one's mine, they talked about that one. There's also the self-doubt or the self-doubt or has a fear of not being capable. And the way that that often plays out for the self-doubt or is that probably know somebody like this somebody who's hypercritical both of themselves, and others. And so that's the person who just seems to always be picking, picking people apart, often comes from a place of just deep, deep insecurity and self-doubt. There's the excuse maker, which is the fear of being held responsible, or the fear of being blamed. And we probably all know and excuse maker, also, excuse makers, the person who, when you're picking the restaurant for dinner never wants to actually pick the place, because they're afraid that if nobody likes it, then they're going to be the one so you have to be blamed for it. And then the final one is the pessimist and the pessimist is the fear of pain or adversity. And that the pessimist usually comes from a place of having experienced either extreme hardship or trauma or some sort of pain, illness. But they get to a point where they just think why. Why bother? Nothing's ever going to turn out I'm afraid of being hurt again. And so that's, that's where the battle. The one for the pessimist? Yeah. So that's it. Yeah, seven archetypes.
So. So to take that the assessment done, do people did they did they do it in the book, or how does someone take the assessment,
we you can go to our website at do it scared calm, or you can go to assessment, do it scared, calm, and take the assessment, it's actually free to take the basic assessment that will tell you your top archetype. And then we have a premium version of the assessment that will go much deeper, and give you not only your top three, and how those three specifically work together, but then give you your overall fear score and show you how you rate on all seven of them. Because the thing about the the archetypes is that we all have a little bit of all seven in us. So if you are reading through the book, and the book goes in, into a lot of detail about each of the of the seven archetypes gives examples of each one, and like really kind of makes it come alive. So we all have a little bit of each of the seven, but usually will have one or two that are most dominant, fear archetypes, the ones that are really playing out. But they also interact and interplay together. And so each person sort of has their own unique fear fingerprint. And it's so it's so important to know that because sort of just like when you go to the doctor, and you say doctor, I don't feel good. I you know, I'm not feeling good. So what's the doctor going to do for you, the first thing the doctor has to do is diagnose the problem can't have a cure without the diagnosis. And, and fear sort of works the same way.
That's a, that's a smart business, too. I just Ryan will back. So he would be very pleased with how you've set everything up. I think that's, that's really exciting to see, I think this should be very, very helpful impact a lot of good people, but I think it's gonna be pretty good business for you, you know, solving something that? I don't know, that's really been addressed very well.
No, it's amazing, because fear does impact so much bunch of us so strongly, and it is sort of like the base of everything and, and, and the thing that holds us back in so many different areas of our life. And yet, it's almost like we're a lot of times we're dancing around the problem or not getting to the crux of it, which is wow, this is all fear, we call it a lot of a lot of other things. And, but it really it all comes down to fear.
So is it more than just action that can cause a shift in adopting a new set of core beliefs? I know in the book, like you talked about principles of courage, so I mean, where do we go from here? Is that Is it Are we just always going to be scared our whole life and, you know, gradually, you know, activity or action is going to help us? Well, okay, that's not so scary anymore, because I did that enough times I didn't fail. But is there is there is there, you know, can we achieve nirvana means their evolution here for us?
I think there I think there is to some standpoint, I think, you know, what we what we talked about already, you get you get more and more equipped to overcome fear. And you get better and better at, at pushing past it and pushing yourself to do harder and harder things. And that builds up your strength and builds up your ability to do even more things. So well, that's and there, I think there are things that you can at some point Be not afraid of anymore, but I think other fears will, will come up, you know, but then you're better equipped to handle them. I think that there are some really important things to continue to do and to continue to practice in order to continue overcoming fear in your life. One thing that I talked about a lot in the book is the importance of having truth tellers in your life of surrounding yourself with accountability partners, I call it my truth club. But people who will be that combination of someone who is encouraging you and cheerleading you and being the person that says you can totally do this, but who is also sticking it to you when you need it and calling you out on your fear and holding you accountable and pushing you to be better. Because so many times we want people who are just going to tell us what we want to hear versus the things that we need to hear. But if you can become intentional about finding people in your life who you trust enough, and you can have a great trust relationship enough that they will call you out on those things. And they know where your fear is. And they know when you're making excuses. Because so often, we will make excuses for ourselves and like, and believe me, we are masterful excuse makers in our lives. And this is I think I can't say this clearly enough like you if you want to rationalize something and come up with an excuse for why you can't do something, you will be able to find it every single time. And sometimes your excuse might be so good that everybody on the planet would say that. Well, of course they can't like that is amazing justification. Whether it's illness, or you know, growing up in poverty, or a history of abuse, or whatever hard things have happened to you. We've all got those things. Some people have it harder than others. But if you decide to use that as your crutch and your excuse in life, and even if nobody ever faults you for that, that is that's on you like that's going to hold that's going to hold you back. And so having people that will call you out on that kind of stuff, as hard as it is to hear is the best thing that you can ever, ever, ever do for yourself.
I think that finding someone who is willing to be that honest, that sounds like a challenge to me, I my industry is that, you know, let's say for example, if I say hey, well, you know, I'm a little unhappy that I gained 10 pounds, and I really you need to take it up. I feel like most people would say, Josh is no big deal, man that's just living this life. Don't you know, whatever you do, you know, but I don't think that they would be comfortable in saying, you know, you know, come on, man get your button gear? You know, I don't know that. I think most people are. They're afraid to be honest in that regard. Because they don't want to offend anybody. So how do you how do you pull together this truth squad?
Um, that's a great question. So and that is true. A lot of times, that is what most people will say. And so I think that it starts with a foundation of trust. And I do not think that this should be the relationship that you have with everyone in your life. I think that it is it is a relationship that you reserve for a select number of people that you really know and trust, because you know, in your heart of hearts, they have your best interest at heart that it's not coming from a place of, of just being a jerk or being wanting to cut you down. So for me and my, in my life, I'm very thankful to have a few people that are like that, but one, what is my husband? We are, you know, we're polar opposites in so many ways. And he, he does not he's a stay at home dad. Now he I retired him in 2013 when my business took off, and a lot of people ask us all the time, like, Well, does your husband working your business? Like oh my gosh, no, that would be like, we will like being married. We but there is no one that will give me 100% honest feedback the way that he does. And I think that that is something that I've over time learned to be so grateful for. Because he's not with me, because we have that trust relationship. And I think even in your marriage, like, like Do it, do it gut check there do you have the kind of really friendship where you can be 100% honest with your spouse, and know that they have your back no matter what and that you feel like they have your back no matter what because that's, that's a great place to start that and that I would hope that for most people to have that sort of relationship. But I also have a group of three entrepreneur friends, I talked about them in the book, who we have that sort of relationship to you, there's just so there's so much trust, and they will be the ones to call me out just like I will be the ones to call them out if I feel like they're holding, holding back in their business or in the things that they're doing. And, but I don't have that relationship with, you know, if I go to a conference where I don't know anybody I don't, I have to watch check myself, because I do sometimes get a little used to being too honest, sometimes, um, but there's, you have to be careful about that. So find those people and really work to build those relationships. But also be selective about those relationships that you create, you know,
any tips on like, how to evoke that from your friends, or ask your friends or to build that group of friends, because I think that there's, you know, there are people that will pay really big money to join an exclusive mastermind, just so that they can get that. But I feel like, Man, this shouldn't be that hard to find a truth squad,
it starts it shouldn't be. And I mean, it starts with, there's a few things and I actually give some really specific tips in the book for setting this up. But one of the things that I think is so essential, it starts with vulnerability. So you have to be willing to be vulnerable. And so often we're not willing to be vulnerable, you know, somebody says, How you doing, how's your business going, and we put on the front, right, we want, we want to give the highlight reel, Oh, my gosh, things are great, I'm doing so well. Oh, do that, like we have our shield all ready to go. And we might have just been in the fetal position five minutes before, but we are not going to tell most people that. And that is that's just the reality of it. So it starts with being willing to say to have people in your life that you trust enough to say, I was just in the fetal position, things are not going well. And I need some honest feedback, because this is like this is where I'm at right now. And so that's where it starts with your with your own vulnerability. And then I think you test that in small ways you tapped like, you're a little bit vulnerable. And if they reciprocate that level of vulnerability, then you know, okay, this is somebody that I can be real and vulnerable with, if they take that vulnerability, and they put the wall up, or, or like, well, everything's great in my business. So I don't know what you're talking about. I mean, you don't get that reaction sometimes. And I've seen that happen to, that's what I know, like right away, like this is not a safe person. For me, this is not that you can't be friendly, and not that you're like have to shut them off. But it's also not the person that's going to be one of my truth tellers. So there's that. And then I think one of the other things that needs to happen is a commitment on both parties, both parties and equal commitment to saying, I really do want to make this work. So here's, you know, here's when we're going to meet here are the rules of engagement, when we're when we're talking about this, I mean, with my truth club, we literally will we meet in person a couple times a year. And then we also have a standing appointment on the first Monday of the month that we meet via zoom, and we just do a little check in like, here's how things are going with in our business. And you have to stay committed to that because you know, the law of nature is that chaos will ultimately and Sue. So you have to be really intentional about keeping that up. But like you said, I mean, one thing I do recommend to people too is if you're having trouble finding that in your day to day life, finding, finding some sort of paid mastermind can be a really good thing too, because then it's then you're, you're drawn to the commitment because you've invested in it. And you know that everybody else is invested in it too. And there's something I mean, we value what we pay for it, right? So you're going to be pouring more into what you're paying for. I actually coach a mastermind group that. And they come to me four times a year. But it's I mean, the level of vulnerability that happens in that group to is is really incredible. So it's I think I've seen it work both ways. And it doesn't have to be one or the other. But there is something to be said for a paid mastermind.
Yeah, I'm really I'll be honest, Ruth, I'm kind of jealous of your truth. Really is, you know, because not only, you know, do you have to get so many different things right for that group. You know, because I've been in masterminds where, you know, they're just not it were different levels, business wise, or different levels of experience in business. And so, you know, some people might be coming with just different things that I don't know, it's, it's been,
I would actually challenge on you, I would challenge you on that. So here's my, here's my food for thought. Because Yeah, I don't think it's not the level of it's not the level of business expertise. And this is one thing that's really interesting about my mastermind group that I coach, it's, it runs the gamut of I mean, it's, it's a high level mastermind, they have to pay, you know, many thousands of dollars to be in this group. But I have people who are just at the beginning stages of their business and not making all that much money yet versus people who are seven figure business owners, I it runs, it runs the gamut. And you would think some group like that wouldn't work. And not only that, it's all different types of businesses, all different niches. And so there's very little similarities and, and even like the, it's all it is all women, but I mean, it runs the gamut from a home's super conservative homeschooling mom, to a vegans ultra, you know, what, liberal whatever, you know, it's very eclectic group. So completely, and no bunch of people in the middle of working mom stay at home moms, I got non moms and anti-moms, like you would people who would not be friends in real life, at all, for so many different reasons. And yet, in this group, even being at different business levels at the thing that everybody has in common, and the reason why it works. And the reason why I picked them because people have to apply to be in my mastermind I have, you know, like, I think I have 60 applications and 13 spots last year. So I pick based on one very, one very, very specific thing. And that is mindset on whether or not these people these people are givers, and willing to pour into each other. And that is the difference it is all about it is 13 women who want to pour into each other, and who are willing to be vulnerable. And oh my gosh, I mean, the vulnerability that happens in that group is pretty intense. sometimes like to the point where sometimes we yell, sometimes we cry, sometimes we a lot of times we laugh well, thank goodness, that makes up for the crying and the yelling. But it is it is uncomfortable. Sometimes we tell like, if somebody is hiding, we call it out. But the level of vulnerability that happens because there's we've built up that trust and because people are willing to come in with their whole self. And so if the groups that you've been in are not working, I would guess that it's not a it's not a level business level. problem. It's a problem of the wall of walls beat up, because when the walls are up, you can't get to that depth.
Just that right?
Yeah, no, that's good. I appreciate that. Well, Ruth, we're out of time, I'm got to get the helicopter that I hear the rotor, the propellers whirring up above us. So we need to get you get you back out of the top secret base here. Thank you so much. This absolutely crazy, crazy valuable. And I'm really excited about the impact of your work. This is going to be really fun to see what kind of major shifts take place as a result of people getting real about their fear. And, you know, learning themselves and taking action on that and it's gonna be fun. can be really fun. Ruth, thank you so much.
So much for having me. This was fun to chat.
Yeah. And again, I promise that no one this this this is completely private. No one's ever gonna, you know, will release the information and obviously people can get the book but there's no way we're being listened to. Absolutely not. So, Ruth, thank you so much.
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I think that's actually what Sandy said in Greece.