Kingsley Grant: Engaging in Emotional Intelligence in Your Business

December 13, 2019

Are you in tune with your emotelligence?

Kingsley Grant is an accomplished keynote speaker, an author, a leadership coach, and the creator of The Kingsley Grant Show podcast.

Kingsley coined the term “emotelligence”. This word, the compound of emotion and intelligence, is the descriptive term of someone who accurately identifies, understands, and manages their emotions and uses those emotions to make intelligent decisions.

A person in tune with their emotelligence is more skilled at decision making, relationship management, and much more.

Get your copy of Kinglsey’s book, The Emotelligent Leader, through his website,, now!

Learn more about how Kingsley Grant's emotional intelligence movement can change your life by listening to this episode of The Thoughtful Entrepreneur above and don’t forget to subscribe on  Apple Podcasts – Stitcher – Spotify –Google Play –Castbox – TuneIn – RSS.

More from UpMyInfluence

How much authority do YOU have? Take our quiz and find out!

Don’t forget to check out our other podcast, Authority Confidential, here.

UpMyInfluence is an Influence Agency dedicated to turning thoughtful entrepreneurs into media celebrities increasing their authority, influence and revenue. To learn how we can help YOU check out Josh’s free webinar.

Connect With Us

Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | LinkedIn

Welcome to The Thoughtful Entrepreneur Show. I'm Josh Elledge, founder and CEO of We turn entrepreneurs into media celebrities, grow their authority, and help them build partnerships with top influencers. We believe that every person has a unique message that can positively impact the world. stick around to the end of the show, where I'll reveal how you can be our next guest on one of the fastest growing daily inspiration podcasts on the planet in 15 to 20 minutes. Let's go. All right, Kingsley Grant. I am so grateful to have you on now Kingsley. First off, you're a friend. We've been friends for quite some time. But you're also a very accomplished keynote speaker on leadership and on emotional intelligence, which you have branded as emo intelligent and you actually are an author and you have a A book that's you, this book has gotten around like this is it you'll see it. It's got some great reviews, it's it's you've had a lot of readers of this book. And the book title is that, you know, intelligent leader. So Kingsley, thank you so much for for joining us on the thoughtful entrepreneur. And as well, you had me on your show. And so if people want to listen to the conversation on the other side, where would they hear that?

So they go to slash podcast, they will see your shows right there and they can listen to it right there. And really, it was an incredible time to have you to sit here you open up and just download information that was so helpful to my audience and to me, obviously, to of course, to see what's happening and you know, up here in France, and just an incredible way of our conversation, so it's available, people can go there and listen to it, which is really doing well by the way. So thank you again for being on the show. And sharing our audience that things you did.

Excellent, excellent. So, so let's, let's talk about leadership. And so I think a lot of people listening to this, to this show have their they're at that stage where they're have a team now, um, you know, they're starting to do more and more and more. They're outsourcing. They've got maybe a handful of people that are kind of, you know, a little bit more than just a freelancer. I mean, they're really actively part of the organization. And I'll use my own team as an example. So we've got about 20 people on the team, about seven of them are seven to eight of them, they're pretty involved, right? And I'd say the majority of them are, you know, they're freelancers that we use anywhere from, you know, five to 20 some hours a week. And so we're a virtual team. And so, you know, culture is is a little bit more gentle. You know, we can't have aloha shirt Friday, we can't have, you know, get together it, you know and have a big tug of war marketing against operations or something like that. So, so let's really Kingsley if you wouldn't mind, like, I'd really love to talk about what are the basic tenants of leadership and then we're going to kind of move the conversation into, you know, how a leader sets culture and how a leader kind of shapes you know, this organization, and what our responsibilities are?

Sure. You know, I think, Josh, one of the first thing I go to is communication because it, it all revolves around how well how succinctly we communicate and people understand that we're trying to make sure that everything that they need to know to get a job done to raise their ability is that it has bridge of the workforce is there is we have to communicate. And I think that leaders who fail to truly communicate and continue to communicate is they do a disservice to themselves, but also to their their people. Because what happens is, sometimes is not what is the message sent? Right? It's just really how the message was received, and what was received, how do we verify that what it is we're communicating is actually getting through. So communicating and follow up and feedback. Those are the basic tenants I believe, of what leadership needs to be doing, whether it's virtually or otherwise, to make sure everybody is running with the same on the same project or the same task that has been been mentioned.

Okay, leadership and communication are two very broad concepts, right. And so let's get specific about, you know, how, how can leaders communicate more effectively,

right. So I think the idea is which I talked about In my book as well as the acknowledgement, so for example, I think is that each person has to be very unique and have to be treated that way has to be addressed that way. So, most times I finally there's doing this general that are generality approach. And I think what happened, people don't necessarily hear themselves in that general approach that here, okay, it's a broad thing, but how does that apply to me? So I find that when we can be very specific, when we can be very, we label that assignment and put a name there and put a time there and, you know, a bookend there, then people begin to hear it's for them. And not just for the the team of the group. So I couldn't be more specific is like acknowledgement, calling in name, laboring the assignment, putting the time putting a stamp on there. I think that begins to allow the persons now to hear themselves as a part of that, rather than just a general Rich are, you know me made by by the later that makes sense talk to

me Kingsley about the danger of building an organization where the employees are involved in nothing but a transactional relationship.

Yeah, you know, the idea of the transactional piece is where people feel as if they've been used. And it's just more as I was, just as Matter of fact, engage in a conversation with someone recently about that very thing. And this person was saying, well, I hire people just to have them come in and get the job done. They can't I fire them is almost like very getting dry. Right? I'm thinking, Okay, how's that working for you? Right?

Right, right, right.

And number two, when people feel that there are nothing but a transactional kind of approach or been approached that way, they know it, they are very self aware, and they can pick up on that. And what they will do then is begin to in their own way. pushback and resist, which is this engagement, which is low productivity, they're still get the job done. But imagine what can happen. It could feel that they're more than a transaction.

Yeah. You know, I feel like Kingsley, I like it, you know, I feel like I'm a little bit of a faker where I feel like I know these principles, but I feel like sometimes I just, you know, my shortcoming is that I just get so wrapped up in my own work and my own responsibilities that I'm like, Man, you know, it's all say thank you to people a lot. But I feel like I really should be doing more than that with people on our own team. I don't like what what are my first steps like what should I do?

He said, I think is really what I talked about very much in the book as well as the recognition piece because 79% of people who left the workplace, whether they quit or just resigned or whatever, however, they want Left 79% of them. When they were asked a question, what's the number one reason why you left the number one reason. And the number one reason they gave was this. We were not recognized, valued, appreciated the way that made us feel as if we were valuable. What does that look like? It just, you know, thank you is wonderful. It's a great, great place to start. But what am i thankful for thanking you for? If I know your, your, your, where you're, for example, about you, if I get to know you a little bit more, so I said, Josh, you know, thank you. You know what I've seen about your work ethic, what I've seen about how you are a resilient person, what I've seen is that's how you when you get started on something you follow all the way through. Thank you for being that way. Thank you for being a valuable member of the team. Imagine how much more that will wait that brings because a person now hears me saying I noticed I have been watching I know you, they hear all of that in that one Thank you statement. Now that raises their value, it raises their, how they see you as a leader, and they're going to celebrate you, not just when you're around, but even when you're not around.

And so Kingsley, I guess the next question is, you know, what are some? What are some practical ways? Like how do I know the best way to? Here's what I'm going to give you a one concern, and then how can I figure out the best way to show appreciation and really share recognition with someone? So one concern maybe, is if I say, Oh, my gosh, you are so valuable to this organization. I, you know, part of me is thinking, well, I still do have a budget that I need to adhere to, and I'd be afraid that if I went overboard on that, they'd be like, wait a min. I'm going to like double my fees if I'm not valuable. What helped me through this?

Yeah, you know, I was probably first I would say that is the thing that I find, and I hear a lot, right. It's a globalized statement. So you're so valuable to the organization that's very globalized. I think that how can I localize that by saying okay, you know, Josh, what you did today to prove that that work that task brought great value to the organization organization. So I, I specifically mentioned that in a context where is not globalizing that said you are always and so now they're going to say, hey, if I'm this person, you better pay up debris. So if I am more specific, and and the more the organic approach where I label that around the context of what they did, then they're not hearing me say you're always this way and you your value requires or they are now I required to pay you double the amount. So I mean, we got to start with localizing the conversation around what specifically? Am I grateful for? Am I appreciated them for? Am I saying they're valuable for that localized conversation now transforms what they're hearing, they're not hearing this global, kind of pronounce, pronouncing, pronouncing that you are now this great person that ought to be paid on a percent? Yeah. You know?

Yeah. And so how can we what are some things that we could obviously modeling i think is is really important as well. But speaking specifically a virtual teams to virtual companies, you know, where we do kind of miss out on some advantages to being together in person being together in person. Look, I go to conferences, and you know, my relationship with people really makes huge jumps forward when we get to spend that in person time together. So obviously, one thing I'll put this out there, and I'm sure you've got some great ideas when we chat as a team, and I don't do this enough. But you know I really insist on you know everybody getting together on video it's about as best as we can do it's higher touch than phone calls phone calls like you have no idea what anybody's doing you know on that you could completely check out on a phone call I just feel like video is much more present for one another. And you know, if my operations director is is talking I want her to know that that I am focused and and really, really appreciate what she's sharing. So I want to demonstrate and show her visually my attention. So beyond that, what are some things that that virtual teams we live on slack? So in terms of like platforms within slack and zoom are like, we spend all day on those two platforms? Yeah.

You know, just you identified I believe one of the very the game changer when Not being able to have been able to meet together physically, you know, I was working with Ashley still I am working with a company where this leader has really taken on a different role and she is struggling because she has a number of people to manage, but they're all over the world. And so she was having this meetings and as you describe, it was all through audio through a phone call. And I said to her mom, how's that really letting people know? And see if they're actually paying attention to what it is you're saying? I'm not trying to multitask. So we anyway, long story short, it moved to the virtual thing where she is now having this midians virtually on a video format, where they are able to look at one another and get that one eye contact because of body language 7% or so of our communication is done through our non verbals right and more of them but being being very, you know, conservative 70% of that has been done. So if I'm not seeing you and seeing how you're paying attention reading your eyes and your, you know, your tone of your body and your ear. All those things I need to hear and see because it tells me number one, you're saying I'm valuable enough to have that time with you, where you can look into my eyes, and tell me, I appreciate you, thank you for the work you're doing. And then also to hear back from them what it is that they're maybe struggling with. So I think that's a very first thing we need to do. Secondly, I think we get into know, you know, the whole know, like, and trust factor, we get to know the people that we are for working for us, what is it about them that I need to know? So I number one have to let them know about me? You know, I'm sponsoring a child, for example, through you know, compassion International. And what happened is that the person will ask me some questions about me, they want to know, tell me about your life. And I asked this child, tell me about your life. What that does, it bridges the gap. So I can now say, Hey, you know, call this out child's name. I'll say hey, you know how's Soccer going, how's your mom? How's your day going? Don't you because now I'm making them personal. I think the virtual aspect we can do so much with that by get into take a few minutes to know that person, know what it is that makes them tick, know how their day is, know what their struggles are, and then personalize that in my comments personalized in my conversation. And that way I am really doing the whole empathetic approach where I'm putting myself in their shoe, as in my whole conversation with them that I believe elevates and skyrockets not just you as a leader, but them as what they give to you and your company. Yeah,

you know, so Kingsley, when people engage with us talk, talk to me a little bit about your business, and how how you grew your business, like where did Where did you get your first clients from? And then what did you do to scale your business?

You know, that's a great question. Josh, because I find like almost everybody else. So one of the things we speak constantly has to be tweaking and revising and tweaking, revising. And for me, it's really began with my word of mouth. Because I think what it was for many, many years, you know, I've always been in leadership, you know, whether in the corporate world and the nonprofit where I've done that both places, and I have led teams across the board. So what happened is that when I began to start my-my own business, people who knew me, were almost like, just drawn towards me, and they wanted to know what it is I'm doing and follow me to the end of the ages, so to speak, there are some people who are that way. So I began to say, Well, what can I then bring to them a value so is word of mouth is relationship is those networking relationships which I formed and began to, you know, Zig or say, help other people get what they want, and that in turn, get me what I want. And so when I began to help people, and the more I helped them, the more I saw a return on My, quote, investment of that. So when I, when I begin to realize that I begins, okay, well, I'm going to begin to do the training, and the teaching and the coaching and develop my own model, which I have. And so that is where I find my got me into the door. The scaling part, I'm still working on to be very honest with you. I'm

always always scaling.

Because that's a challenge for me. You know, I've done the virtual teams, I've had teams, I've not have teams, I've done the solo thing. So it's really a constant work in progress. And I'm still in the process of doing that. But I have, the good part is I know how to, I don't know where to find the resources that will help you to scan like a person like yourself, Josh, is really a go to person who can help in that regard. So I know that things that I can use, but it's something I'm still working on. But attracting clients is through my podcasts, through my writing, through my networking through my speaking, you know, when I speak like I'm doing In this coming weekend, and I want to use that platform to build more clients and yeah to my, my, my portfolio.

Kingsley, you you've done some you've done some pretty good speaking work. How How does someone go from a workshop speaker to becoming a keynote speaker

I think that I'm only have to have a message a very similar a message that resonate with people. And I think once you can find your message, find that find your voice, and people your delivery style, you know, convert me for me. I've been speaking for many years, but I still join Toastmasters for example. Right? To really just use that as a place to refine my skills, get the feedback that I want, and to hone my message but I think a person who is going to shift from a rush up speaker to a keynote speaker number one, you have to do three things. You have to educate, empower and entertain. Those three things have to be a part of what it is you work on and develop in your delivery. So how, what is it? you're educating your people who are in the audience? How are you empowering them, and how you're entertaining them. And I find that you if you can do those three things well, around your message, people will want to hear you more than once because it is something they're going to live with. It's not just fluff. It's information is empowerment. You have some entertainment in the process. So that's what I've my, my framework, which I constantly coach people around speaking, find a message and make sure you're doing three things educated, empowering and entertaining.

Yeah, so it's a little bit different. So if you've just been doing workshops where you've been like, okay, grab your notebooks, people and we're going to go and execute me because historically I've done a lot of that and I have done a keynote for Florida blog con, and what is the I guess what is the opportunity from a speaking standpoint to doing keynotes versus workshops versus like Lunch and Learn, you know, half day things like I like what are, I guess, professionally? Um, you know, you know, I guess as a speaker, you know, you can you can choose whether or not in a keynote address is way different. Yeah. Then workshop, I mean, generally, you're going to, you know, just like you said, you're going to inspire more, probably talk a little bit more kind of broader terms. Not Not as many executables specific, you know, tactical type things, right. But professionally, what what's the difference?

You know, I find is not a whole lot of a difference, Josh, I find if you can tell a good stories and really have stories that can resonate with your audience. So your know your audience, number one, who you're speaking to, and what stories do you have that you can use to kind of really re reinforce the points you're trying to make, and I will try to make three points and not more than that, but I use stories to drive that. I find with Speaking to a corporate or you know, professionals are speaking to a student at the school or wherever that story is what really pulls people in. And so I anchor my talks and keynotes around stories. And I may tell more stories and just maybe highlight the points I'm making because stories we know is what sells, right. Tells. We know stories are the stickability piece. So I use that to drive in a business setting. But I find in the in the workshop said you still have stores but you are going to be have a longer time to kind of download information. You can't do all of that in 45 minutes is too much. So I find what's that one thread that I want people to live with. And what's that one story that drives that point home?

Hmm. Kingsley, tell me what's in the book and it's available on Amazon. Is that right? Yes, it is. Thank you. Okay, yeah. Please sell us on your book. I you know, I want to know if solves problems. I just want people to know what problem it solves. And who should read this book? And what is the outcome they'll get from it? Because I know you to be. You're a great leader. You're a great speaker. You're a good friend. I mean, we've been, you're really well respected in the podcasting world. You know, certainly on social media, I love your content that you share. Yeah, please, please, please share, you know who the book is for and what will we gain from it?

So the takeaway from the book is simply this if you want to boost productivity, performance, morale in the workplace, and want to reduce the people live in your workplace, the best people to leave the book is for you. So it's more for that business owner who are saying, How can I engage my people and become more engaged? How can I boost productivity and what happened is not doing it at the expense of European People is doing it together where they feel as if they're not transactional, like you mentioned earlier, they are a part of a team that is going to make something successful they have to have buy in. So the book really help is a model I call it redefining leadership is about the new montella gence, which is the art of succeeding where others failed, is the new intelligence for the workplace. So it's where the workplace says, if you want a new intelligence and to create new culture, diversity at really caused people to feel like they're moving together, and one to boost as I mentioned before, their productivity and performance and reduce people your best to believe in the workplace. That book is for you know,

great, great so everything is available at Kingsley Let me spell that it's K I N G S L E Y. Grant, G R A N T dot com. And then of course you can go to slash podcast, and our show Kingsley was Episode Number 111 remarkable leaders leverage authority and influence on behalf of their team with Josh Elledge and Kingsley Grant, go listen to that one. If you liked this conversation, we go into it. I really loved it kings and because it was, you know, beyond where I normally just speak on in terms of just, you know, getting publicity working with the media, that sort of thing we really talked about, you know, how that intersects with leadership and why authority is so critical to being an effective leader, not just within your own internal organization, but of course, being a leader in, in your industry, in your community, on social gear, your audiences. I mean, there's, there's, there's, you know, there's lots of different play now, you know, even in our families, I mean, leadership is something that that we carry with us wherever we go. So, Kingsley, thank you so much. I really appreciate your time. I really appreciate your wisdom as well.

Thank you Josh. I appreciate being here and keep up the good work you're doing and helping people up their influence and you're doing a fantastic job. I think that you know, I'm so proud and privileged to know you as a friend, but also just see that you are making ways within the virtual world but also in about leadership as well in as with our on our talk in our interview.

Yeah, thank you, sir. I appreciate it. Kingsley. Thanks. Awesome. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thanks for listening to The Thoughtful Entrepreneur Show. If you are a thoughtful business owner or professional who would like to be on this daily program, please visit up my slash guest that we've got something out of this interview. Would you share this episode on social media? Just do a quick screenshot with your phone and text it to a friend or posted on the socials? A few do that tag us with the hashtag up my influence. Each month we scour Twitter LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. We pick one winner from each platform, and you get crowned king or queen of that social media. Now what do you win? We're going to promote you and your business to over 120,000 social media fans totally free. Now, can you also hook us up now in your podcast player right now, please give us a thumbs up or a rating and review. We promise to read it all and take action. We believe that every person has a message that can positively impact the world. Your feedback helps us fulfill that mission. And while you're at it, hit that subscribe button. You know why tomorrow? That's right, seven days a week. You are going to be inspired and motivated to succeed 15 minutes a day. My name is Josh Elledge, let's connect on the socials. You'll find all the stuff we're doing at up My Thanks for listening and thank you for being a part of the thoughtful entrepreneur movement.

We're actively booking guests for our DAILY #podcast: The Thoughtful #Entrepreneur. Happy to share your story with our 120K+ audience.Smiling face with halo


Apple iTunes podcast